Dear Kit

I have looked at your ambitious Christmas wishlist, jiggled my fats with a loud Hohoho and gone back to abusing Rudolph and all my little elves. Actually, in a past existence, I must have been a partner in a law firm because, my reindeer work when they have a sinus infection and my little elves work through christmas, while i sit back and try out the Atkins diet and re-design my red suits.

Anyway, I have enclosed my response to the items requested in your letter dated 15 December as follows:

1) you already have a violin - albeit as a bailee - are you saying it 'aint a good one??
2) you can don't need the lonely planet guides - just lots of generous friends - with a spare sofa
3) see (2)
4) okay - you got that coming
5) cold storage is round the corner
6) you got your pimp, and as for intelligent fans, well they don't write to me asking for intelligence in their stocking do they?
(7) to (10) see caveat below

In any event, I would like to point out that the last time I attempted to deliver items 7 to 10 on your wish list to you, the URA fined me for not putting coupons on my reindeer. I have blacklisted Singapore, and banished it from the delivery list until the relevant authorities waive reindeer ticketing requirements.

ho ho ho...
Santa with zero liability clause